Most of the people I know confuse love with possession. It’s easy to understand why; it’s built into the fundamental assumption of our culture. “You’re mine” says the popular song and “we belong” together”. Hardly anyone stops to question the sentiment.
As soon as we feel love, we immediately attempt to possess. We speak confidently of my boyfriend, my wife, my child, my parent. We feel justified in holding expectations about those people. We consider that perfectly reasonable.
Why? Because all our concepts of love ultimately derive from romantic love—and romantic love is furiously, frantically possessive. We want to be with our lover, to have him or her to ourselves, to possess. So strongly do we equate love with possession that we may even feel that if someone doesn’t want to possess us, he or she doesn’t really love us. Yet I would argue that what we call romantic love isn’t love at all. It’s a kind of emotional storm, an overpowering thrilling attraction –but it isn’t love.
Real love isn’t possessive. It can’t be. Love involves giving, not taking. Yet the desire to possess actually springs from the lovers own need—the need for approval from the beloved, for support from a parent, for straight A’s from a child, for status—for something. A possessive lover is overly focused on what he or she is getting. Not giving. A lover may dignify this dependency with the name love, but it’s a lie. How can you really love somebody when you’re dependent on him or her for things you need? That isn’t love—that’s just manipulation to keep the needed stuff coming you way. And love isn’t the same as need.
Of course, a loving relationship will produce interdependencies. But too often the pleasure of freely giving changes to a fear of not getting. This person—your lover, your girlfriend, your child—is suddenly so important that you worry what’s going to happen. And at that moment love stops.
People sometimes wonder if they’re feeling real love. The same people never wonder if they’re sexually aroused, or sad. Then what ’s the problem about recognizing love? Most often, it’s because they’re sensing a conflict. They feel the depth of their need, not the heights of their love.
There are ways to know real love. It feels calm. It’s steady and it can easily last a lifetime. It’s nourishing. People grow under it’s influence, they become who they really are, not what someone expects them to be. Real love isn’t blind; on the contrary people feel understood, accepted for who they really are. It’s healing.
So whenever you hear that love is blind, or love can’t last, or love is destructive, you can be sure that you’re actually hearing a description of lust, of desire, or need. It’s an accurate description because needs really are transient and destructive.
But love is something else entirely; an emotion of deep caring that asks nothing in return. It’s an emotion that is fulfilling without any expectation at all, and so rare that most people in our society can’t imagine it. They may even believe it doesn’t exist.
Despite the Valentine’s Day hype, we know that love is not all about heart-shaped chocolate boxes and diamond rings. Love is both an action and a sensation. Loving is that indescribable feeling of bliss and euphoria that comes from letting yourself go and existing in a space of complete comfort and intimacy.
Sharing a relaxing experience such as a couples’ massage or spa package with your loved one can enhance these feelings. Taking the time to indulge in yourselves and each other will create a stronger bond between you and your partner.
Loving yourself is equally important and not to be forgotten! For all of you single ladies and gentlemen out there, make sure you take some time this month to pamper yourselves.
With temperatures dipping to down to -7C, Vancouverites are pulling our their woolies. We can still all be thankful we’re not on the prairies where temperatures reached -54C with the windchill. Brrr! This bone chilling weather is expected to last a few more days. Here are 2 ideas to help you heat up from the cold:
Warm your bones with an Infrared Sauna session. Temperatures stay significantly lower than a traditional sauna so you may sit comfortably for 45 minutes and burn up to 600 calories at the same time! Bring a book, relax and warm up!
What better way to soak up some heat than have skilled hands massage warm basalt stones over your entire body. Close your eyes, bliss out and imagine yourself under a palm tree on a tropical beach far, far away!
As the holiday season winds down, and the hangover of excessive eating and drinking slowly wears off, we look towards the upcoming New Year with renewed motivation to reach our goals and resolutions.
Since we all tend to over-indulge during the holidays, our body’s natural state of homeostasis is thrown off balance by toxic substances such as refined white sugar, red meats, alcohol and cigarettes. In order to return the body to its balanced state, a detoxification program is a safe and healthy method of eliminating these unwanted toxins.
And so, just as the old year will be swept out with the last scraps of wrapping paper, so we would like to start afresh in 2012 by clearing out those toxins our bodies have accumulated over the celebratory season. The resolution: to reach a renewed sense of balance and good health. And pHresh can show you how.
Infrared Sauna Therapy
Infrared Sauna Therapy is a great tool for detoxification as it effectively maximizes the body’s sweat response to produce up to 3 times the elimination of waste products than a regular sauna. The infrared-waves that the sauna produces can penetrate skin and muscle tissue up to several inches, expelling toxins deep below the surface, including heavy metals such as lead, mercury and aluminum.
Tired and stiff muscles are relieved, and congested skin is freed from impurities, revealing an improved complexion. Cellulite and toxins stored in fat cells are broken down, and up to 600 calories can be expended in a single 30-minute session. All while you lie back and relax in a tranquil environment.
Acupunture / Cupping
In Chinese Medicine, there are many ways to help the body rid itself of toxins. One of the most effective ways is through Cupping.
Cupping involves applying glass cups to the body. This is done by waving a burning cotton ball, that has been soaked in alcohol, through the cup quickly to create a vacuum. You do not feel the heat, but you will feel the cup pull up on the skin. Once attached, the cups will be left on for approximately 15-20 minutes minutes, and removed by pressing down on the skin to let the air out. They may leave a mark on the body, which could last between 2-12 days depending on the condition. This is a useful diagnostic tool! Depending on how dark the mark is, it indicates how much stagnation/toxins there is within the muscles.
Pain and other illnesses stem from the stagnation of circulation in the muscles and body tissues. Cupping improves the circulation in these areas and pain is alleviated and underlying health issues are often helped.
pHresh Spa is proud to support the Vancouver Food Bank Society this holiday season.
But we need your help!
From now until December 22nd, bring in any 3 items on the Food Bank’s Most Required List and receive a $25 pHresh gift card* or a free session in our infrared sauna!
(* Please note that gift cards can be used towards spa services only, not on products or boutique items.)
Most Required Items:
Canned meat/fish
Peanut butter
Bags of whole wheat pasta/rice
Pasta sauce
Canned fruit/vegetables
Cereal
Baby formula
Baby food
Please note, the Food Bank is not able to accept the following items:
